Author Topic: Harper Government Presents: Policy changes for workers 50 & over.  (Read 1586 times)

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Offline Rudi Jan

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Harper Government Presents: Policy changes for workers 50 & over.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Harper government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
 
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Ottawa to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
 
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
 
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Harper deems appropriate.
 
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
 
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Ottawa.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Harper Conservatives have always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give us citizens.
 
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Member of Parliament, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
 
Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
 
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
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Offline FrankDialogue

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- Harper Government Presents: Policy changes for workers 50 & over.
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2012, 10:09:26 AM »
 
Harper Government Presents: Policy changes for workers 50 & over.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Harper government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
 
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Ottawa to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
 
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
 
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Harper deems appropriate.
 
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
 
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Ottawa.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Harper Conservatives have always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give us citizens.
 
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Member of Parliament, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
 
Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
 
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
 
    ;D  ;D

Offline Sue

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- Harper Government Presents: Policy changes for workers 50 & over.
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2012, 12:48:29 PM »
Harper Government Presents: Policy changes for workers 50 & over.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
 
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

Priceless!!!  ;D
"At any given moment there is an orthodoxy, a body of ideas which it is assumed all right-thinking people will accept without question. It is not exactly forbidden to state this or that or the other, but it is "not done".
...Anyone who challenges the prevailing orthodoxy finds himself silenced with.

Offline wag

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- Harper Government Presents: Policy changes for workers 50 & over.
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2012, 05:42:57 PM »
Funny thing, were Obama to implement it, it would be his first success.
Nobody gets paid to tell the truth.

Offline Sue

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- Harper Government Presents: Policy changes for workers 50 & over.
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2012, 06:09:07 PM »
Funny thing, were Obama to implement it, it would be his first success.

;D  He, he...
"At any given moment there is an orthodoxy, a body of ideas which it is assumed all right-thinking people will accept without question. It is not exactly forbidden to state this or that or the other, but it is "not done".
...Anyone who challenges the prevailing orthodoxy finds himself silenced with.